The Fat Man Cometh [i]

by Sankinator on October 16, 2012

Welcome to the new series about yours truly being too damn fat to think straight. I sit here after riding my stationary bike, sweating like a stuck pig, only not literally but figuratively. Stuck, as in this fatness. Pig, as in the glutinous rage and laziness I seem to fight daily. I certainly take comfort in food and I have the belly to prove it.

So, here I am once again looking to self deprivation as a motivator. Will it work? Only time will tell.

Today (10/16/2012) I woke to the alarm clock, gingerly made my way down stairs and completed my morning rituals. As I sat at the kitchen table enjoying a few moments of silence lest the water machine’s quiet hum as it either heats or cools the water on its own schedule. I’m not sure of the cycle nor do I care. I expect it to provide me with which ever I select based on whether I push the blue handle down for cold, or use the baby-proofed red handle for hot. It’s one of the few things I can count on in moments of auxiliary cognitive function (a.k.a. half asleep) so early in the morning. Just like when I push the brew button on our Keurig machine. I, without having to even think about it, have come to expect coffee with the push of a button. I love technology!

Why can’t I push the “Thin and Beautiful” button? I mean really, I have a button already installed. Why can’t that be “The” button? Would I ever push the “Fat and lazy” button? Sure I would. There’s a time and place for everything. Come on, think about it.

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and a coffee by the riverside walkway would be awesome. The wife and kids are sleeping in, the young and the restless tight bodies are already up and running, walking, rollerblading and biking along the river. Yep, you guessed you smarty you, I push the “Thin and Beautiful” button without hesitation and maybe I can crank my right ear for age. So, I dial that sucker back 20 years!

I’m not trying to get laid. I just want to blend in or maybe looked at with interest and not disgust for once. To feel that feeling I haven’t felt in years, you know the one… that one that sets your ego on overdrive and kicks the testosterone in the sack for higher function. Ah, to feel desirable and young with all the possibilities of what a Saturday might bring. Those were the days.

When might I use the “Fat and Lazy” button? Let’s see, its a cold and blustery Saturday morning. The snow accumulated over 6 inches in the driveway. The fire is warm, the coffee is warm, the lazy boy is calling out to me and my Kindle Fire has a new book for me to read. The kids are old enough to shovel and I’m pushing the “Fat and Lazy” button baby! Damn right I am! Get out of bed you lazy bums and go shovel the driveway!

Anyway, I got on my stationary bike again this morning. I really miss it and it felt great to be doing something for me. Well, at least something beneficial.

This morning, I was riding to some music instead of watching an episode of Dexter (currently in the fourth season and loving the fact that John Lithgow is being introduced. I hope he lasts a few episodes).

I recently obtained roughly 20 or more live Grateful Dead cds. As I pedaled away to the music, I began to transcend time and space. I became unaware that I was even pedaling my bike. I closed my eyes and felt my body lift away with the music. The tones, vibrations, beats and frequencies transported me to a euphoric place. I was relaxed and completely at ease. It was truly one of the first times in quite a while that I felt this way without alcohol or drugs. Ha! It is possible!

I hope and pray that I can recreate the feeling. If I can, I know there’s hope for me to reach my goals.

I’m not as heavy as I was last year at this time when I started this routine. that little fact gives me hope.

Like most people out there, it’s hard to find the time to do all the right things, or should I say to do things right.

Here’s to hoping. Don’t hesitate to send along any and all encouraging words, I could use them.

Until next time… Peace!

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