Yep, another day in the land of “Holy shit, I’m a big fat dude!”![\"\"](\"http:\/\/jokesprank.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/fat-man-cartoon.gif\" "\\"fatguy\\"")
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On my third day of the “lifestyle change”, I am no less enthused nor any less driven to succeed. I equate this to smoking, though I’m slowly coming to the realization that quitting smoking was much easier than making a lifestyle change. I feel like an Alchemist believing with all my heart that it can be done. In this particular case, it IS<\/em><\/strong> possible to achieve a transformation! I believe!<\/p>\n Anyway, I’m already 1 bottle of water in as attempt to cleanse my body of the impurities I had subjected it to over the years. I’ve been like my own personal science project, putting in this and that, watching the results and deciding if its something I want to try again.<\/p>\n I love<\/a><\/span> my wife<\/a><\/span> Tami, she is the easiest target in the world. I love her for that. She is a real trooper for putting up with me and my jokes which come fast and furious on most days.<\/p>\n Let’s take this morning for example, after she scared the shit out of me while I was working. I had my backed turned with my headphones blasting Metallica in my brain and I can’t see her coming. She taps me on the back… my blood pressure spikes immediately and\u00a0 my fight<\/a><\/span> or flight instinct takes over and while this is happening, simultaneously, I’m doing my best to contain myself from ripping her fucking head off and pulling her vagina through her throat with my bare hands (pew). You can imagine the immediate stress I’m under.<\/p>\n So, I finally calm down, she is done laughing and asks me the life<\/a><\/span> changing question that couldn’t wait until I came upstairs to go to the bathroom for the millionth fucking time. She turns to leave my office and notices that I put our wedding picture on the tower so I could see it.<\/p>\n Tami: Awe, you put our wedding picture up? (another one of those ridiculous questions) That’s sweet.<\/p>\n Me: Yeah, I did it to remind me of the source of my every day stresses.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I thought it was funny<\/a><\/span> and I was joking. I had to get her back for the scare. I saw an opportunity and I took it like any good hunter<\/a><\/span>\/gatherer\/husband would do.<\/p>\n You may now genuflect in recognition of my awesomeness!<\/p>\n