On a day filled with jokes and tomfoolery I find myself in a solemn mood. I look into the reflection that is my life up until now looking for meaning. I remind myself that my personal battles pale in comparison to the battles of those around me.
My father battled lung cancer some time back before his untimely death. He beat lung cancer only to succumb to a heart attack at a very young age. The emotional beating that my family took easily resonates within me as strong today as it was then. The all too familiar feeling of helplessness rears it ugly head.
My heart sank and my stomach did a flip-flop when I heard my mother-in-law’s diagnosis of lung cancer, just before Thanksgiving. As it tore me apart, I could only imagine how she felt.
Nothing in life seems to matter as much as it may have before hearing the news.You stop dead in your tracks. You feel the evil shiver up your spine, a hot flash and then cold as your hands begin sweat. You just want to scream at the top of your lungs hoping to scare cancer into submission making it retreat like a scolded puppy with its tail between its legs. You know it wont work but it doesn’t stop you. What other reaction seems appropriate besides crying? There really isn’t one. You scream. You cry.
I want to take my mother-in-law and hold her, tell her it’s all going to be ok. The problem with that is, I don’t know if its going to be ok. I don’t know if she will come out of this with the results we hope and pray for. Not to mention she might beat me over the head should I attempt to hold her close to my chest and rock her like a baby. Though I wouldn’t do that, the metaphor speaks volumes. I have such mad love for her that I would do anything to take this away so that she might live out her days in happiness enjoying her 4 gifts from God.
We just don’t know what life will throw at us next.
And that’s just it isn’t it? The unpredictability of life. Isn’t that what really keeps us going? To see what’s next.
My mother-in-law (Mom) has been fighting hard and taking a beating every day. It knocks her down and she gets right back up and starts swinging away with a resolve unmatched by anything we could ever know personally, unless we’ve been through it. She won’t take no for an answer. She refuses to give in. She will not go quietly! She has already been to hell and back as she continues to fight with energy I stand in awe of.
Tomorrow, she gets up again ready to do battle. The culmination of the last several months leads directly to this defining moment. She will look cancer right in the eye and tell it that she is not going to tolerate this any longer. She will, with the help of God and his gifted surgeons, eradicate this disease from her body sending the message once again, “Cancer, you are not welcome here!”
Kathryn Eichelberger, you are my HERO and I love you!