Who are you?

by Sankinator on October 21, 2012

The Sun is shining down just after a quick spritz of Mother Nature’s magical liquid. Pondering the great questions of my lifetime such as “Who am I?”, “What am I doing here?”, “What is my legacy?” and the ultimate “What is the point?” In this brief essay, I’m going to try and answer these as best I can using the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained in the short time I’ve been here. Which isn’t very long, yet it seems like a lifetime. Being on the hump is interesting enough. I’ve always felt I was too old for some things and not old enough for others.

When do I hit the “just right” age? Don’t go calling me Goldilocks just yet smart ass!

Let’s start with “Who am I?”

Well, My name is… fuck that. I am who I am and in all honesty, I’m still figuring that out. I have no idea who I am. I know the simple things like, I’m a Dad, a husband, a son, a bother, a cousin, a friend, a teacher, a writer, an acquaintance, an enemy (for the record, I don’t think I really fit into this category), a co-worker, a lover, a mean prick, a guy with a little dick and a funny little turd at times.

I used to be a boyfriend, a student, a teenager, a sworn NYS Peace Officer, a sworn Erie County Sheriff’s Office Deputy reserve (Scientific Staff, Administrative Staff and Computer Crimes Division), a recreational drug user, a boozer and one lazy son-of-a-bitch. Things change. Who I really am is still in the developmental stage I think. I’m ever morphing, learning and growing (though most of the growing is at the waistline, my ass and my fifth and sixth chins).

So, for the record I really can’t answer that one with any sort of authoritative certainty. I’m sorry if you were really looking forward to reading some deep philosophical shit about who I think I am. let me plow on a little whit this one as I sit here and contemplate this question.

I can be an ass without any doubt. Who can’t? As much as I might joke about the sexual orientation of others, I do consider myself tolerant of these differences. We all live here, we are going to continue to live here, together. I think it’s high time we started getting used to the idea of co-existing. I mean seriously, how long do we have to keep going through the hatred, intolerance and the social nonacceptance? Here’s a headline for you hard-headed fucktards out there, WE ARE ALL HERE TO STAY! Gay, straight, bi-sexual, transgender, asexual and I’m sure I’m missing a few, the point is, it’s here and it’s not going anywhere. Grow up.

The same goes for race, intellectual level, interests and preferences. I really don’t have any other way to put more plainly. We are all different, yet all the same. If you can’t see that, you are no different than many others. Do you see what I mean? We are all tied together, one way or another and that’s where our commonalities come from.

Ok, off my soap box for now.

What am I doing here?

Whoa! How the hell do you answer this one? Let me see. I really have no clue really. I try my best to do what is right guided by what I perceive to be proper. As I cultivate the young minds of my own children, I often worry to the point of shortness of breath and a rapid, irregular heart beat that I may or may not be doing the right thing with them. I can only hope that my parent’s learned from theirs and they from theirs and so on passing it down to me to be passed down for many years to come.

The aforementioned and being ever the student of life trying to learn something at every turn, I suppose that could serve as the answer to the question. Take it or leave it, the choice is yours ultimately. See what I did there? No? Ok then.

What is my legacy?

Man oh man. That’s one helluva mother of a question right there. Wouldn’t you agree? Holy turd. Let’s see now…

Legacy, legacy… as my index finger taps lightly on my pursed lips, I look up slightly to the left engaging my higher analytical brain function and come up with… SQUAT! Seriously, legacy by definition is handing something down, personally to someone else. These gifts, by definition are usually property or money, but I think a legacy is much more than that.

I hope I’m giving everyone around me something to remember. I also hope that those memories are good ones. Unfortunately, I’m human and not everything I’ve done in my life has always had a fairy tale ending. I hope that the good out-weighs that bad.

I doubt I’ll be able to hand my children something as tangible as copious amounts of money, personal property or land (though I continue to hope), but I do hope that they receive the gift of endless and unwaivering love that I have for them. I hope they unwrap and embrace the gifts of humility, loyalty, honesty, logic, tolerance, acceptance and fairness that I’m trying to instill in them. I pray that they accept the idea of learning and teaching both academically and spiritually.

I really can’t think of a better legacy than this… my hopes and dreams for my girls are simply that they’re able to fulfill their hopes and dreams no matter what they might be.

What is the point?

I think the point is simply this…

Live, learn, love and laugh without regret!

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