Can You Smell What The Sankinator Is Cookin’?

by Sankinator on November 2, 2011

I hit the scale again this Monday and I was pleasantly surprised. I think I can safely say I have down graded my status from “big fat guy” to “fat guy”.

I’ve shed what equates to 2 of bags of sugar, 4 80z strip steaks, 12 sticks of butter and a couple of Genny Pounders! I basically lost a bag of groceries.

I can report that when I got on the scale and peered down over the obscene protrusion that I refer to as my 6-pack protector, I didn’t have to stretch my neck like a damn giraffe to see the numbers.

The low carb regimen isn’t all bad.

I’m an egg person and I’ve always loved bacon so, breakfast is fairly easy to swallow. From day to day it varies looking something like this:

Small amount of carbs, protein and some fat to kick start the fat burning process. Burning the fat after the carbs are used for fuel.

  • 3 eggs scrambled with 1/4 cup of chopped chives with 4 or 5 pieces of bacon.
  • 3 egg omelet with 1/4 cup chopped sauteed mushrooms (in butter), 1 slice of American cheese and 4 0r 5 pieces of bacon
  • 3 eggs omelet with 2 deli slices of Krakus ham and 2 slices of American cheese.
  • 3 eggs scrambled and topped with copious amounts of Franks Red Hot & black pepper!

One of the previously listed along with 8oz glass or more of water, a multivitamin, an Omega 3 supplement and a glass of water with a teaspoon of ground Psyllium Husk mixed well for a fiber supplement to start the day.

Around 10:30 a.m., I’ll have one of the following along with 8oz of water or more:

  • 1 oz of cheese (my choice of flavor as long as it’s approximately 1 gram of carbs).
  • 2 stalks of celery and 1 tablespoon of blue cheese dressing
  • 2 pieces of string cheese
  • 2 tablespoons of pumpkin seeds – you can also supplement small servings of nuts and berries (just watch the carb count)

I know the previous isn’t much in the way of creativity but, this is just temporary as I get to my goal weight. I’ve learned to suck it up for the greater good!

Lately, lunch as been something like the following (of course this includes 80z or more of water):

  • Chicken breast seasoned with any of the following: garlic, Cajun seasoning or just salt & black pepper. Dipped in Franks Red Hot (Nectar of the Gods!)
  • 2 hamburger patties with a slice of cheese (my choice) and dipped in mustard
  • I always have 1 cup of Iceburg lettuce completed with 1 tablespoon of Ranch dressing or 1 cup of baby spinach with 1 tablespoon of olive oil
  • Chicken wings in Franks Red Hot and a little bit of Blue Cheese dressing

In the afternoon, I have something from the morning snack list but not the same as I had already that morning – the snacks keep the fat burning process going.

I’m damned determined to lose this fat and I will!

Doctor: That’s obscene…

Me: What?

Doctor: [Pointing to my six pack protector] That!

Me: [wanting to suffocate the foreign bastard with my obscenity] I’m working on it.

The smug fuck Doc: Work harder!

A grenade with the pin pulled: [skaking my head in agreement] I will…

I will say that this little jaunt down the healthy trail has had some other benefits besides losing the fat:

  • I don’t sweat as much as I used to (could be the weather change)
  • I’ve been able to fight off a sinus infection with some success
  • I have very clean, effortless evacuations with little or no stench
  • I don’t fart nearly as much as I used to, in fact comparatively speaking, you wouldn’t think I fart at all (depressing)
  • There’s a new found spring in my step… and it’s a bit lighter than before (17 lbs. lighter)
  • 30 minutes on the dreadmill is getting easier every time.

Some of the downfalls:

  • I miss beer something fierce – one of my last vices
  • I rarely fart any more (very depressing)
  • I piss more than I do anything else it seems
  • I have to piss in the middle of the night, so bad that I can barely walk
  • I miss beer!
  • I miss pizza!
  • I miss tacos
  • I miss beer!
  • I piss like a mad man!
  • I miss beer!
  • I pee a lot!

I keep reminding myself that the occasional glass of red wine is fine and I do partake here and there. I like the fact that I’m a fairly cheap date nowadays too. One glass gives me a nice warm, fuzzy feeling (buzz city).

I’ve decided that since I don’t consume the beer like I used to, I can afford a rather pricey bottle of red wine every now and then. I think I’m worth it! And everyone likes me! Oh WTF, I’m sure the little SNL humor is lost on most of you young-ins.

Here’s a smidgen more truth whether or not you like it… Not only do I want to lose weight and become a healthier person to hopefully stick around long enough to see my girls be successful in life, I want to be attractive again.

I do look at other guys and compare myself to them. No, I’m not talking about penile size. Just about everyone has me beat in that arena. I’m talking about overall appearance, you know, size.

Some guys make me feel ok with myself and others make me want to gnaw off my own arm to get away from my own blob. A lot of the younger thin and beautiful fuckers are lucky and probably put little effort into their appearance and that simply puts me in a stabbing mood!

Yes, I’m very jealous! So effu a-hole!

I’m not saying I was once attractive but, comparatively speaking, I had to be better looking when I was thinner than I am now as a fat ass! Who wants to grope me and my fatness? Reality check: NO ONE!

What the hell am I trying to say?

Basically, I’m trying a new approach to an overdone lifestyle. I’ve been there and done that and I’m bored with it. I need a new challenge and this truly is. I guess that’s the real truth!

I’ll spew forth my ridiculousness again soon, stay tuned!

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